“Pick Me” A Current Events Kind of Parody


Of course, everyone’s eyes today are on the selection of Mike Pence as Donald Trump’s running mate. One of my favorite memes in the past twenty-four hours is the two-panel depiction of everyone Googling “Mike Pence” while, in the second panel, Hoosier are shown celebrating.

When I hear “Pence,” I immediately think of the 90’s alt-rock group, Sixpence None the Richer who had that earworm of a song called “Kis Me” a favorite, now, of Adult Contemporary radio stations. I suggested this morning at Facebook and Twitter that if Trump’s campaign were a 90’s Alt-Rock Outfit, they would be called Onepence None the Richer and their one hit would be “Pick Me.”

That’s not bad as one-liners go; I thought. And then I thought, “No; my readers and friends would expect no less than the full parody.”

So. . .in the spirit of good fun (if this is allowable):
“Pick Me” by Mike Pence (performing as “MP Flip Flop” in OnePence None the Richer) To the Tune of “Kiss Me”

Pick me out of a tall green corn field,
right wing, I’ll gladly kiss your a$$.
I bring, bring, bring things like RFRA & I-STEP.
Anything you propose I will gladly bless.

Oh, pick me before the July limelight;
lead me out on RNC’s floor.
Raise your strong right hand;
suggest they be banned from our elephant dance,
our silver-spoon-changling:
please pick me.

Take me–with you to the White House
Bring me; together we’ll go higher.
Bring, bring, bring your flowing hair;
we’ll blaze a trail marked on our forefather’s map.

[Repeat Chorus:]
Oh, pick me before the July limelight.
Don’t–tease me–thinking you’d want Christie more.
I’ll be your right-hand man
your pasty-white yin to your orange-tanned yang
singing star-spangling bannering
please pick me.


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